GLOssary of terms
The Glossary of Terms is shared here to support the reader of Sexual Boundaries Sexual Mastery: Limits That Set You Free - to understand the different nuances of the terms as pertaining to the meanings in the book.
Authentic Response:
An authentic response is a genuine, honest and true expression of one’s thoughts, feelings or emotions in a given situation. It is a response that is free from pretense, deception or manipulation and represents the speaker’s true self. It requires self awareness, emotional intelligence and the willingness to be vulnerable and honest with self and others. It is often characterised by active listening, empathetic understanding and a non judgemental attitude.
Appropriate Sexual Engagement:
A consensual interaction between adults that is respectful, safe and free from coercion or manipulation. It involves engaging in sexual activity with mutual agreement and understanding of the limits and preferences of each person. It is a skill of sensitivity and attunement to feel changes in the energetic, physical or mentals fields of others and adapt a response to suit mutual connection without force or over extension.
Beyond Your Sexual Capacity:
Engaging in sexual activities or behaviours that are beyond your psychological, physical or emotional capabilities or comfort levels. This refers to any sexual situation where overwhelm, dissociation (inability to be present) discomfort or distress is present and you are unable to adjust the activity levels to suit the current needs and comfort of each person.
Centering Practices:
Embodied exercises utilising breath, sound and movement and self touch to establish and deepen an individual’s sense of self awareness, balance and connection to feeling centered within themselves.
Conditioned Response:
Automatic or habitual action undertaken without present moment embodied awareness. Originating from societal conditioning, cultural and religeous beliefs and mainstream narratives.
Conscious Conflict:
Discussion of differences, where both parties respectfully engage in skills of curiosity and full body listening to understand each other with empathy and compassion, with the intention of relational repair.
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Consensual Sex:
Consensual sex is sexual activity that is mutually discussed, agreed upon and conducted with the explicit and enthusiastic consent of all persons involved.
Conventional Sex:
Conventional sex refers to the common sexual narratives, imagery, attitudes, behaviours, expectations and education that are considered to be typical and traditional in mainstream society. It reflects the norms and stereotypes present in certain lineages and cultures, across certain time periods, which often adhere to widespread themes and beliefs. Conventional sex narratives can be limiting and exclusionary as they do not encompass the diverse range of sexual orientations, gender identities, gender roles, relationship styles and personal preferences that exist in reality. Conventional sex narratives offer a linear view that is not inclusive of the holistic nature of sexual energy itself, resulting in hierarchy, power differentiations, physical, emotional and psychological symptoms and relational challenges.
Embodiment:
Ability to listen, trust and be guided by the different sensation responses that arise from the intelligence of the body.
Embodiment Practices:
Exercises that bring present moment awareness to the different sensations of the body, creating self awareness and self regulation of the nervous system.
Filling Your Cup:
Ability to be responsible for and attend to own your physical, mental and emotional needs through various wellness, self care practices and embodiment exercises.
Grounding Practices:
Techniques and exercises that connect individuals to their bodies in the present moment, fostering a sense of stability and rootedness. Grounding practices increase self awareness and deepen the sense of self connection and orientation to the earth and the natural world. These practices utilise the pathways of conscious breathing, sounding, moving the body, self touch, visualisation and focus on the 6 senses to anchor to the here and now.
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Individual Autonomy:
Individual autonomy refers to the ability of an individual to make their own decisions and choices regarding their own life, without interference or control from others. It is the concept that individuals have the right to self governance and that they are free to make choices that align with their own values, preferences and goals.
Internal Safety:
Internal safety is a subjective sense of feeling safe and secure within oneself. It is a state of wellbeing where individuals experience a sense of stability, calm and trust within their own inner landscape. It includes the ability to trust one’s own feelings and emotions, physical sensations, thoughts and choices and feel secure in one’s own skin.
Internal safety is cultivated through self care practices, self empathy and compassion, self awareness and emotional body regulation that build the inner resources of self trust, internal strength and self resilience to meet the challenges of life.
Intimacy:
Intimacy is non sexual engagement that creates close connection through intellectual connection, emotional connection and non sexual affection. Intimacy is built over time through open communication, active listening, vulnerability, empathy, mutual trust and shared experiences.
Intimate Languaging:
Spoken word and verbal language that is used to describe feelings and emotions in the expression of your intimate needs, desires, sexual limits and conscious sex conversations.
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Self - Empathy:
Involves the ability to be present and tune into one’s own emotions and needs and validate them without judgement, responding to them in a compassionate way. Treating oneself with the same depth of kindness, care and understanding that one might offer to others.
Self Compassion:
Involves responding to ourselves with a depth of care, understanding, forgiveness and encouragement when we make mistakes, face challenges and experience difficult emotions.
Sexual Life Force:
Sexual life force is a term that refers to the creative vital energy that is believed to give life and vitality to all living things. It is also sometimes referred to as chi, prana, kundalini, qi or eros.
Limiting Belief:
An idea or assumption that is adopted from an outside source or social narrative and taken on as personal truth that creates a self imposed constraint of abilities, potential or opportunities. It is often a long term habit or pattern, based on past experiences, societal conditioning or personal fears or insecurities.
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Nervous System - Parasympathetic:
The parasympathetic nervous system is a division of the autonomic nervous system that is responsible for the body’s rest and digest response. It helps to regulate bodily functions such as heart rate, breathing, digestion and hormone production. It helps to conserve and restore energy, promote healing and repair and support overall health and wellbeing.
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Nervous System - Sympathetic:
The sympathetic nervous system is a division of the autonomic nervous system that is responsible for the body’s fight, flight, freeze, fawn and collapse responses. It is activated in response to stress, danger and perceived threats. It prepares the body for action, helps to mobilise energy and resources to deal with perceived threats and can be beneficial in short bursts. Chronic and over activation can lead to negative health consequences.
Nervous System Self Regulation:
Self regulation is the ability to maintain a state of balance or homeostasis in the face of changing conditions and stressors. Techniques such as breathing, sounding, moving, self touch, emotional release, mindfulness and meditation can be used to improve regulation and build resilience.
Nervous System Co-Regulation:
Ability to emotionally and psychologically co-regulate the nervous system into a state of relaxation, ease and restoration through connecting with another individual person or group of people. This can be achieved through different techniques of eye contact, touch, breath, sound, movement, active listening, empathy and open communication.
Presence:
Presence is a quality of self awareness and an ability to be available and fully engaged in the current moment without the distraction or preoccupation of mental chatter. It involves being aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations in the present moment without judgment or attachment to any outcomes.
Relationship Styles:
The structural context or container that an individual prefers and values their intimate relationships to unfold within. Monogamy, open relationships, polyamory, friends with benefits, casual dating, polygamy etc. Each relationship is able to tailor make the specifics of the structure to suit the preferences of the individuals involved. Relationships styles are not fixed or static and can change at different times throughout life.
Sexual Attunement:
Ability to be present with physical, energetic and emotional responses that arise in both self and others in the moment, with the ability to meet the change and make fine or micro adjustments to increase mutual connection, without overextending or underextending sexual energy.
Sexual Containment:
Refers to the practice of managing and controlling one's sexual energy, desires, and impulses in a way that encourages embodying healthy boundaries/limits, respect, and self-awareness within oneself. With others, it involves the ability to regulate and contain sexual urges and behaviors within appropriate contexts and relationships, considering factors such as consent, mutual respect, and personal values.
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Sexual Embodiment:
Sexual embodiment refers to the experience of being fully present and connected with one’s own body during intimate and sexual experiences. It involves a deep self awareness and acceptance of physical sensations and responses, thoughts and emotions, needs and desires, limits of interaction, pleasure and discomfort during sexual activities. Sexual embodiment is the ability to attune and honour the uniqueness of each individual's energy and changing needs and respond with an affirmative
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Relationship Agreements:
Relationship agreements are the outcome of your conscious intimacy & sex conversations. Agreements hold us accountable to
Sexual Limit:
Limit of sexual engagement or interaction that pertains to physical touch, sexual activities, communication and emotional intimacy. A
Sexual Coercion:
Sexual coercion is pushing, pressurising, forcing or manipulating sexual engagement against someone’s will or without their full and enthusiastic consent. It can be through the use of threats or demands, guilt tripping, repeated requests to break down someone’s resistance, intimidation and fear of saying no, misuse of authority and power imbalances, physical violence or harm, blackmail, exploiting someone’s impaired judgement due to alcohol or substances, under age or any disability where consent cannot be clearly and freely given.
Soul:
Eternal essence that exists beyond the physical body and represents a person’s true essence or innermost being.
Psychological Sexual Dysfunction:
Psychological sexual dysfunction refers to the mental and emotional challenges that can impair physical sexual functioning. Emotional challenges can manifest as anxiety, stress, fear, depression, trauma from past experiences, sexual avoidance, relationship challenges and negative body image or beliefs. Physical symptoms can manifest as low libido and desire, early or delayed ejaculation, erection challenges, inability to orgasm and pain experienced in the genitals during sex.
Sexual Mastery
Sexual mastery is the meeting of our sexual life force with a high level of skill, knowledge and understanding. Firstly, it involves building and developing a relationship with one’s own body, being in tune with your hormone fluctuations, psychological fluctuations, nervous system and different arousal responses and societal elements. It is the study of your own self awareness, building your emotional intelligence, growing your communication skills, learning sexual tensegrity and attunement and keeping yourself abreast of ongoing holistic sex education.
Secondly, it’s how you practice and embody conscious sexuality skills with your lover/s and learn how to be finely attuned and in right relation with self and other.
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Sexual Orientation:
An individual's emotional and/or sexual attraction to others based on gender or sex. Can be consistent or fluid and may change.
Sexual Pleaser:
Someone who places their focus on their lover’s needs rather than their own and at the cost of their own autonomy. Sexual pleasing is a protective mechanism and signal that power dynamics in the connection require adjustment. Sexual pleasers lack self assertiveness to express and hold their limits of engagement, often resulting in boundary violations and an inequality of pleasure time.
Sexual pleasers can endure and tolerate touch out of a sense of obligation, resulting in resentment.
Sexual Shadows:
Unconscious actions, choices and behaviours that arise from societal and cultural norms, experiences of sexual trauma and shame or internalised beliefs and judgements about sexuality. Manifesting in a large variety of ways including sexual suppression, shame around sexual preferences and behaviours and challenges pertaining to authentically expressing intimate needs and sexual desires.
Sexual Sustainability:
Ability to renew ongoing intimate and sexual connection and desire by attending to individual and relational needs. Prioritising respect, consent, intellectual connection, emotional connection and non sexual affection whilst also valuing sexual diversity, inclusivity and equity.
Sexual Values:
Core orientations that are inherent in sexual attitudes, principles and behaviours within the individuals true nature.
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Somatic:
Refers to anything related to the physical body or bodily sensations. It comes from the Greek word soma which means body.
Societal Narrative:
A societal narrative is a collective story, a sharing of beliefs, values and attitudes that shape how a society understands itself and how individuals within that society can think and behave.
Trauma:
Trauma refers to an emotional response to a distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope. Traumatic events can include physical, emotional, sexual abuse or assualt, violence, natural disasters, accidents or any other significant threat to a person’s physical or emotional wellbeing.
Nonconsensual Sex:
Refers to any sexual activity that occurs without the explicit and enthusiastic consent from all parties involved. Non consensual sex can take many forms including touching without permission and forced sexual acts that violate a person’s bodily autonomy and can cause long term physical, emotional or psychological harm.
Vulnerability:
From an emotional perspective, a willingness to be in a state of openness and receptivity to express, reveal and be witnessed by another person.
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